Old souls & INFJs, do you feel safe showing your real self to the world?

How many of you feel as if you must hide, wear slightly false identities, or dull and water down your true self to survive in this world? It’s brutally painful sometimes, isn’t it? We value authenticity and depth in others, but how many people appreciate ours? And how often do you observe true authenticity and depth in another person? I bet it’s not often. I rarely encounter it. This is why I prefer an isolated, loner-ish existence. I feel like my tribe does not exist, although I know this is not true. (Those of you who are drawn to my blog are likely my kind of people.)


Many of us old souls and INFJs, due to feeling misunderstood or unappreciated, suffer with intense loneliness, low self-esteem, shame, social anxiety, depression, and even existential crises. You may feel quite wounded at your core because of this feeling you’ve carried all your life that you aren’t like others. Do you constantly question your purpose and where on Earth you belong? You might feel deeply flawed because of it, like I have many times in my life. When you’ve tried to be brave and present your real self to the world, you’ve probably been criticized, ridiculed, misunderstood, looked down upon, or flat-out rejected.

As much as we value our alone time and take pride in being independent, there’s been that place within us that has ached from not having our social needs met. It sounds cool and superior to say you don’t need people, but most of us still have the human desire to belong somewhere and to be accepted for who and what we are. When we can’t find it, we learn to stop expecting much from others, and we either become more self-sufficient or put on a mask that will be better accepted by others. Despite our attempts to ignore it, once in a while that pain intensely bubbles to the surface to remind us of just how terribly alone and invisible we feel. And it’s not attention we crave. No, we’re looking for a deep, raw connection that brings life to our heart and soul.

Maybe you’d rather pretend sometimes that these issues don’t bother you much or that you’ve overcome them, but let’s just get real about these wounds we carry. To be real about our deepest wounds means that we can reach out to the other old souls and INFJs to let them know they’re not alone and that we understand. You know that there are more of our kind out there. Also, being honest about our pain is the first step in healing it.

ece78241db1f0904b5da90329cc7982f.jpgI found a YouTube channel recently about old souls. I’m sure some of you will receive validation through what Abby shares on there. Please start with this video: Old Souls and Autism of the Soul. It really speaks to that struggle we’ve faced to be real in a world that doesn’t value honesty, truth, authenticity, sensitivity, and vulnerability. In the description, she says, “Unlike those with autism spectrum disorders in the outer world, we’re able to “pretend” to get along with the herd or the crowd. Only those of us with autism of the soul slowly die inside, and our gold turns to rust, our hearts break, and our bodies go numb. I was dying a slow death before I started a process of shedding all that was a lie about me…”

Sometimes, opening up to someone is the solution for creating a deep, authentic connection. Most of the time, it isn’t. Most aren’t comfortable with the truth and depth of an old soul. I’ve become quite choosy regarding who is worthy of seeing my underlying layers, and I’ve realized it’s only a tiny percentage of people out there. I’m not trying to be snobby about it. Sometimes you just get the feeling that a lot of people can’t handle you as you are, you know? My boyfriend has suggested that I am at a level that probably intimidates or confuses people because they are not accustomed to encountering someone like me.

If you relate to this post, I’m asking you to please leave a comment and share your thoughts and experiences related to being misunderstood due to your authenticity and vulnerability. I know your fellow old souls and INFJs would appreciate knowing you exist, no matter where you are, and that you understand what we feel. I promise that someone will feel validated and relate to your own experience. We might not be able to get much acceptance from the world, but maybe the best we can do sometimes is to send out the message to the others who need to hear, “I’m here, and I see you. I know your pain so well because I carry it, too.”



12 Movies for the Lost, Confused, and Disillusioned

As I have mentioned in some of my previous posts, I have reached a point in my life where things don’t quite make sense. I recently graduated from graduate school and am feeling the pressure to start making decisions, but I’m still not sure in which direction to go. My original career plan doesn’t seem quite so right anymore. Maybe my confusion and lack of direction is all part of the spiritual awakening process, or maybe this is a phase that so many other recent college graduates face when they try to transition from the academic world to the work world. I think both explanations could be applied to my situation considering I’ve spent the past seven years in college and have undergone some significant awakenings throughout the past year.

Anyway, it’s a difficult place to be in when you feel driven to do something with your life and to help others, but you’re just not sure what it is that you should do. I am positive that so many other humans on this planet are facing or have faced the same problem. When you add other typical symptoms of a spiritual awakening into the mix, like fatigue, disconnection from the physical world, loss of passion/motivation/purpose, heightened sensitivity, loss of identity, and emotional ups and downs, it can be an extremely tough, overwhelming, and confusing place to be.

I recently watched a movie called The Giant Mechanical Man that stars two main characters who feel like lost drifters who must accept that they don’t have life all figured out, despite the fact that they’re in their thirties. I thought it was a really good movie, and it inspired me to come up with a list of movie recommendations for others who feel lost, stuck, or confused about life.

The following list of movies all center around characters who feel lost in life and dissatisfied, at times, with living an ordinary existence. If you know of any other movies with a similar theme, please mention them below so I can preview them later. Also, just a warning: A lot of the movies below are a bit slow-paced, so if those tend to bore you or you don’t have the patience, you might want to skip these.

1.) Into the Wild – Based upon the true story of a young college graduate who gave away all his money and abandoned the safety and security of a conventional life in order to live a life connected to nature.

2.) The Giant Mechanical Man – (Available on Netflix) A love story about two people in their thirties who are having a hard time figuring out what they want to do with their lives. My favorite quote from the movie: “I feel like modern life can be alienating, and it can be like you’re mindlessly walking through it, like a robot. And you can feel lost. I guess I just want people to know that they’re not crazy…”

3.) Ghost World – Two friends who’ve recently graduated from high school are trying to plan for the future, but one is having a harder time figuring out what exactly she should do.

4.) The Graduate – (Available on Netflix) Most people immediately think of the affair with Mrs. Robinson when you mention this classic, but it also a movie that shows the desperation and anxiety that a young man faces when he graduates from college and is bombarded with questions about what he is going to do with his life.

5.) Ruby in Paradise – (Available on youtube) This is a movie of a young woman who flees from everything that was familiar and heads to Florida without a plan. It is there that she begins to understand herself better and what she wants from life.

6.) Rid of Me – A woman rediscovers herself after her marriage falls apart.

7.) Trees Lounge – (Available on Netflix) The main character, Tommy, has lost just about everything that was once important to him. Throughout the film, it seems like he’s just drifting.

8.) Lost in Translation – An older actor and a young college graduate are both feeling lost and disinterested in their current relationships. Their encounter in Tokyo provides them the kind of connection they’ve been craving.

9.) The Good Girl – A woman who becomes increasingly dissatisfied with her slacker, dim-witted husband and her dull job at a discount store meets a young, troubled guy who can add a little excitement to her monotonous life.

10.) Office SpaceThis movie is so popular that I hesitated to share it, but the characters and the plot of this movie perfectly capture the frustrations and dissatisfaction that go along with working a mind-numbing job.

11.) Metroland – The main character suddenly reevaluates his marriage, his lifestyle, and the choices he’s made when his old friend comes back to Metroland for a visit.

12.) Blue Valentine – (Available on Netflix) A marriage goes stagnant when one partner wants to move forward and grow while the other remains directionless without a single goal, other than to try to save their failing marriage.