A Remedy for Loneliness

As someone who used to suffer much more from the feeling of loneliness in the past compared to now, I can share what I learned. When we feel a deep sense of loneliness, a core issue is that we are seeking external validation. We want to know that there are others who think like us, who behave like us, who have similar interests, who have similar opinions and perceptions because then we feel much more validated and confident that it’s ok to be ourselves and to exist in this world as we are.

We’re all looking for external mirrors to reflect back to us what we possess inside, as if seeing these things outside ourselves makes them more valid and real. By looking for someone who can understand and appreciate us, we are subconsciously seeking permission to be ourselves and to continue carrying what we have inside. Somehow we don’t trust our own experience and perceptions and won’t fully give ourselves permission to be authentic and love ourselves as we are, until we feel like someone else approves. We can be especially susceptible to seeking some form of external validation if we have spent our whole life struggling to fit in within the mainstream culture.

Feeling like someone else understands us, likes us, and wants to spend time with us makes us feel more alive, more connected, more real. What is the most satisfying feeling behind all that? I think it’s the feeling that we’re seen for who we are and that there is appreciation, love, and acceptance of it all rather than ridicule, criticism, judgment, and rejection. And how many people can fully love and accept themselves when there is the voice of the inner critic that’s guilty of ridiculing, judging, and rejecting what they perceive to be the ugly and unpleasant parts within themselves? Is it any wonder why people get caught up in the desperate drama of searching for a partner and friends?

In truth, you don’t need anything external to feel fully alive and real. And you really don’t need anything to feel more connected if you understand that everything is connected within this reality. The search outside ourselves, or what we perceive as existing outside ourselves, is all the proof needed to see how deep we have fallen into illusions.

It is wise to question our perceptions and the ways of thinking and behaving that we have been conditioned to do due to cultural programming. Part of that programming is to search outside ourselves for happiness, wholeness, and fulfillment. You are programmed to chase after the lucrative job, the new car, the oversized house, the next vacation, the designer label clothing, the latest trends and newest gadgets, the perfect partner, the circle of friends, etc. When the feeling of dissatisfaction, boredom, emptiness, loneliness, frustration, or insecurity arises, we have the choice to go within and allow space for the uncomfortable feelings to exist until a deeper realization and transformation occurs, or we can forever remain a prisoner to pain and addictions by going on a hungry pursuit for something outside ourselves, which will only continue to serve as a temporary, quick fix for pain and discomfort.

What is your perception of being alone? Do you perceive it as a negative, painful experience or a fulfilling, pleasurable one that brings as much satisfaction as spending time with others? Do you consider it loneliness or solitude? Maintaining the belief that loneliness is unbearable and unhealthy and that it needs to be resolved and eliminated as soon as possible by building connections with others, rather than looking deeper within ourselves, keeps everyone sucked into the old strategy of looking out towards the external world for thrills and distractions. Very few people want to slow down, get quiet, and go within to really face themselves.

The burden of loneliness is no longer heavy once it is seen that it was never necessary to spend so much time searching externally. The love, appreciation, and acceptance that we seek from others can just as easily be found within, if we are willing to stop and look. People will continue to feel that it is necessary to keep up the search outside as long as they fail to see what is available within.

Once I surrendered to loneliness and stopped trying to run to others to validate my thoughts and experiences, I noticed that the loneliness naturally transitioned into a peaceful acceptance of the situation as it is along with a deeper love of myself and my own company. The desire to run after someone or something external weakened to the point where I could say I was no longer suffering. I noticed that I lost the desire to put expectations on others and no longer participated in the drama of being hurt and disappointed by others’ actions. I still welcome meaningful connections, but these connections are far from a necessity to experience joy and happiness. It is possible to enjoy something, to appreciate it, and even to desire it without needing it or attaching your happiness and well-being to any particular thing.

It is not the denial of loneliness that makes it go away. It is the complete surrender to it, when we allow ourselves to feel as deeply lonely as we can without trying in any kind of way to escape it. During moments of loneliness, we do not need to search for connection with another person, since this keeps us stuck in neediness and dependence on others. When we sit alone with ourselves without any attempt to run away, it is possible to discover the treasures we possess within and to fall in love with ourselves, and then it no longer matters who does or doesn’t see us, understand us, or appreciate us. We finally recognize our own brilliance and divinity, and I believe that is what we were really searching for all along. And an added bonus is that we can finally let others off the hook of trying to make us happy since we have taken ownership and responsibility of our own happiness and fulfillment. Your joy does not have to depend on what someone else does or does not do, and that is so freeing for both you and those who know you.

When you feel lonely, ask yourself, “What is so terrible about this sensation called loneliness? Can I feel the loneliness without pushing it away? Where is the source of this loneliness, and what triggers it? What if I don’t ever find the amazing relationship or friendship that I have always longed for? Would that have to be a terrible reality? Would my happiness and enjoyment of life have to depend on finding someone or something? What are the feelings I am really longing to feel that I imagine could be experienced once I had the right partner and/or friends? Is a relationship with another person absolutely necessary in order to tap into those feelings right now? Can I offer to myself what I wish others would provide for me?” By inquiring honestly and deeply about your feelings, your desires, and the underlying motives of your behaviors, hopefully you will reach greater clarity about what you need vs. what you want and how to find the fulfillment you seek.

 

Old souls & INFJs, do you feel safe showing your real self to the world?

How many of you feel as if you must hide, wear slightly false identities, or dull and water down your true self to survive in this world? It’s brutally painful sometimes, isn’t it? We value authenticity and depth in others, but how many people appreciate ours? And how often do you observe true authenticity and depth in another person? I bet it’s not often. I rarely encounter it. This is why I prefer an isolated, loner-ish existence. I feel like my tribe does not exist, although I know this is not true. (Those of you who are drawn to my blog are likely my kind of people.)

Many of us old souls and INFJs, due to feeling misunderstood or unappreciated, suffer with intense loneliness, low self-esteem, shame, social anxiety, depression, and even existential crises. You may feel quite wounded at your core because of this feeling you’ve carried all your life that you aren’t like others. Do you constantly question your purpose and where on Earth you belong? You might feel deeply flawed because of it, like I have many times in my life. When you’ve tried to be brave and present your real self to the world, you’ve probably been criticized, ridiculed, misunderstood, looked down upon, or flat-out rejected.

As much as we value our alone time and take pride in being independent, there’s been that place within us that has ached from not having our social needs met. It sounds cool and superior to say you don’t need people, but most of us still have the human desire to belong somewhere and to be accepted for who and what we are. When we can’t find it, we learn to stop expecting much from others, and we either become more self-sufficient or put on a mask that will be better accepted by others. Despite our attempts to ignore it, once in a while that pain intensely bubbles to the surface to remind us of just how terribly alone and invisible we feel. And it’s not attention we crave. No, we’re looking for a deep, raw connection that brings life to our heart and soul.

Maybe you’d rather pretend sometimes that these issues don’t bother you much or that you’ve overcome them, but let’s just get real about these wounds we carry. To be real about our deepest wounds means that we can reach out to the other old souls and INFJs to let them know they’re not alone and that we understand. You know that there are more of our kind out there. Also, being honest about our pain is the first step in healing it.

I found a YouTube channel recently about old souls. I’m sure some of you will receive validation through what Abby shares on there. Please start with this video: Old Souls and Autism of the Soul. It really speaks to that struggle we’ve faced to be real in a world that doesn’t value honesty, truth, authenticity, sensitivity, and vulnerability. In the description, she says, “Unlike those with autism spectrum disorders in the outer world, we’re able to “pretend” to get along with the herd or the crowd. Only those of us with autism of the soul slowly die inside, and our gold turns to rust, our hearts break, and our bodies go numb. I was dying a slow death before I started a process of shedding all that was a lie about me…”

Sometimes, opening up to someone is the solution for creating a deep, authentic connection. Most of the time, it isn’t. Most aren’t comfortable with the truth and depth of an old soul. I’ve become quite choosy regarding who is worthy of seeing my underlying layers, and I’ve realized it’s only a tiny percentage of people out there. I’m not trying to be snobby about it. Sometimes you just get the feeling that a lot of people can’t handle you as you are, you know? My boyfriend has suggested that I am at a level that probably intimidates or confuses people because they are not accustomed to encountering someone like me.

If you relate to this post, I’m asking you to please leave a comment and share your thoughts and experiences related to being misunderstood due to your authenticity and vulnerability. I know your fellow old souls and INFJs would appreciate knowing you exist, no matter where you are, and that you understand what we feel. I promise that someone will feel validated and relate to your own experience. We might not be able to get much acceptance from the world, but maybe the best we can do sometimes is to send out the message to the others who need to hear, “I’m here, and I see you. I know your pain so well because I carry it, too.”

Why exactly do INFJs feel so weird and lonely?

According to my blog stats, the search term/phrase that most frequently brought readers to this blog in 2015 was “INFJ lonely.” This is not surprising at all. It seems extremely common for INFJs to report issues with finding like-minded people who really “get” them. I have experienced the same challenge throughout my entire life and recently have been wondering what exactly could account for the fact that so many of us INFJs rarely experience a deep sense of connection with other human beings.

(If you would like to know how I finally stopped suffering from loneliness, read this blog post A Remedy for Loneliness written in June 2019.)

To be honest, the conversations I have with the majority of people leave me longing for so much more, and I often feel like there are several layers of my personality that I must keep tucked away or else I will end up feeling extremely misunderstood. It is rare that I find someone who understands and appreciates my full authentic self. And as bad as this may sound, what seems even rarer than finding someone who understands me is finding someone who I consider intriguing and interesting enough to want a friendship with them. Growing up, I frequently wondered what was wrong with me for having such feelings, but over the years I’ve met a few people who’ve validated that I am not the only one who would rather spend all my free time alone than to settle for the company of people whom I don’t truly like. So again, the question is why do so many INFJs feel isolated and lonely?

First of all, I’ll touch on one of the most basic and obvious reasons why we don’t connect with as many people as we would like, but this reason still does not adequately explain why we struggle to connect on a deeper level. Due to our introversion and sensitive nature, INFJs are naturally reserved and guarded when venturing out into the world. This tendency to hold back isn’t all that helpful if we are lonely and want to make connections with more people. Many of you have probably realized at some point that it’s necessary to come out of hiding and to take risks if you sincerely want to make more friends. A huge INFJ weakness is that we don’t usually initiate conversations and make plans with people we don’t know well. So yeah, we don’t exactly increase the odds of finding like-minded people by waiting for them to come to us and show an interest in being our friend.

So, I wish the solution was as simple as learning to be more proactive at initiating conversations with more people. Unfortunately, I believe the situation is much more complex than that for an INFJ. Here’s the problem that many INFJs encounter: Whether they initiated the conversation or not, many INFJs say that they have felt misunderstood by people when they tried to open up and expose who they really are. If they stay on the surface and force themselves to engage in small talk, it’s possible to maintain a conversation with some people. But the more that an INFJ opens up and tries to venture deeper into the ideas and topics that interest them, it often becomes apparent to the INFJ that there is a sudden disconnect. It may feel like the other person is beginning to lose interest or is clueless about what the INFJ is discussing because the conversation begins to trail off. At this point, the INFJ probably thinks, “Ok, maybe I’m too weird for this person. I’ll just be quiet now or go back to the small talk.”

I am not suggesting that INFJs have the most obscure interests ever, that they possess super strange opinions, or that it’s even necessary for people to have the same exact interests and opinions in order to be friends. The issue here is that by simply expressing their true thoughts, feelings, and opinions, INFJs can intuitively pick up on the fact that many people don’t feel comfortable, interested, or familiar with what they are saying. It’s not that INFJs are speaking a foreign language from another planet (though it may feel that way sometimes), but I think a major part of the issue lies in the fact that INFJs are intuitive thinkers who would rather avoid small talk.

I don’t know how accurate the statistics are, but it’s been suggested that sensors are a lot more common than intuitives. About 70-75% are sensors, and 25-30% are intuitives. Of the four pairs of preferences in the MBTI, I find that sensing vs. intuition is the one that has the greatest effect on the depth of conversation I am able to have with another person. INFJs prefer intuitive thinking, and it only makes sense that other intuitive types would be more likely to understand us. We may not see friendship potential in every intuitive thinker we come across, but INFJs might find it easier to dive into the topics that truly interest them when they are in the presence of another intuitive. What poses a challenge for the INFJ is finding other intuitives. Though they are not considered rare, intuitives are not common.

Now I’m going to create a simplified description/stereotype of each type of thinker in order to illustrate why it could be difficult for an intuitive and a sensor to understand and communicate with one another. Sensors are reality-based, more focused on the here-and-now. They are more likely to trust and focus on what can be experienced directly through the five senses (what they taste, touch, see, hear, and smell). Intuitives are the imaginative, big picture thinkers who prefer to notice patterns, to connect dots, and to think about possibilities, rather than focusing so much on details and on what is currently happening. They often rely on their sixth sense or a gut feeling to pick up information. The sensor is the down-to-earth, practical one who often enjoys a good amount of small talk. The intuitive is the head-stuck-in-the-clouds dreamer who prefers discussions about theories, the future, and the possible deeper meaning behind things. In the eyes of a sensor, intuitives might seem boring, weird, irrational, scattered, and out of touch with reality. To intuitives, sensors might seem boring, close-minded, simple-minded, and stuck in very limited ways of thinking.

I don’t know if it’s a fair or accurate assumption to make, but I see sensors as realistic reductionist thinkers and intuitives as idealistic holistic thinkers. The reductionist prefers to break things down to smaller parts, to study facts, and to hone in on the current situation. The holistic quickly sees a wider perspective of the situation and how various parts interact and affect one another while missing a lot of the details. If you didn’t already understand the general difference between sensors and intuitives, you probably have a better idea by now. And again, these are just stereotypes. Not all sensors and intuitives are exactly the same. Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that there are strengths and weaknesses for each way of thinking. If you want to go a little further into that, here’s a blog post titled Why Your Type is Awesome: S vs. N that highlights the advantages and disadvantages of each type.

In my experience as an INFJ, the few people who I have felt understood me best prefer using intuition over sensing. These are the kind of people who I can have long and meaningful conversations with on an extremely wide range of topics. We may engage in a little small talk for a couple of minutes, but our conversations usually shift rather quickly into the interesting ideas and theories we have been pondering lately. It often feels like we never run out of topics to discuss. With sensors, though, I often feel like there are topics that aren’t worth discussing because they don’t seem as interested in exploring certain ideas and subjects that appeal to me. I pick up on what feels comfortable and interesting to them and what doesn’t. Staying in five-sense reality usually keeps them more engaged, but I can become bored and dissatisfied if I have to stick with surface reality talk for too long.

What I am proposing is that in order to feel better understood by others, an INFJ will probably have better luck engaging in conversations with other intuitive types, such as the INFP, INTJ, or ENFJ. Does this mean that INFJs cannot have fulfilling relationships with sensors and should avoid them all? Absolutely not! Although it is possible that INFJs will struggle to feel understood by some sensing types, there could be certain things gained through friendships with sensors that they might lack in their friendships with other intuitives.

Something I have come to realize as an INFJ is just how ungrounded I am prone to becoming when I get so stuck in thoughts and theories that I start to ignore my physical surroundings. Spending time alone and thinking deeply are both wonderful activities, but sometimes INFJs forget that there’s a physical world out there to explore and enjoy. An extroverted sensor who is all about living in the moment and enjoys getting out to have experiences that feed the five senses could help bring more balance to an INFJ who is heavy on introversion and future-oriented thinking. Differences in personalities among friends are not necessarily bad. Although similarities can foster deeper mutual understanding, I don’t think it is always wise or necessary for someone to seek people who have personality traits that are identical to his or her own.

But here’s the truth of it: if you crave those deep and meaningful conversations that stimulate your mind and soul, you’re probably better off talking with another intuitive. Intuitives, statistically speaking, are not as easy to find, though, which might explain why it feels like you can’t find many people who seem to understand you. When you find a good one, cherish that friendship and connection because if you’re like most of us other INFJs, trying to find the right people might feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. If most of your friends are sensors or if sensors are the type of people you encounter most frequently, and you feel that they don’t seem to understand you too well, just know that there are pros and cons to every personality. Sensors can teach you other ways of being, or, at the very least, maybe they can help you stay a little more grounded.

For an INFJ, it is extremely tempting to want the ideal friendship to the point of being closed-off to anyone who doesn’t seem like a perfect match. Not only is it hard to find our kind of people, we seem to be really picky on top of it because we know exactly what we want and expect from others. Settling or faking an interest in others so we can have more friends is not something that comes easy to us. Although I am not encouraging anyone to settle, I will remind you that sometimes those people who behave and think a bit differently can still be good friends who break up the monotony and help us avoid getting too stuck in our familiar habits and patterns because they help us see things from another perspective.

I will be completely honest with you, though, and admit that I find it very hard, almost impossible at times, to readjust my expectations. If I feel like I have to hold back too much of myself, that I can’t talk about my interests for more than a minute or so, and that a lot of effort is constantly required from either me or the other person to keep the conversation flowing, I cannot help but eventually lose all interest and decide that it would be preferable to be lonely alone than it would be to feel lonely talking to another person. While others might be able to remain open-minded and search for a common interest with that person, I usually prefer to move on in the search to find someone else whose company I truly enjoy.If you want to read about other INFJs who are socially bored and isolated because of it, check out this forum thread. As you will see, you are definitely not the only lonely INFJ who struggles to find the right people. Considering that one of our main complaints is that we don’t feel intellectually stimulated enough by most people we talk to, I’m slightly concerned about what that might say about modern society. Is it becoming less common to think deeply and have thought-provoking conversations about the future? Are INFJs and other intuitive types at risk of becoming less and less common? It seems like it might be preferable to have a fairly even balance of all the personality types and preferences, so perhaps a question to investigate another time is what the implications might be of having such uneven distributions of certain personality types.

I’d love to hear from other INFJs on this topic. Do you think your preference for intuitive thinking affects how well you are able to communicate and connect with others? Are your closest friends intuitives or sensors? How do you view sensors and friendships with them? And most importantly, what do you think explains INFJ loneliness?

My Fellow INFJs, You Are Perfect As You Are

I promote the ideas of self-love and self-acceptance for anyone, no matter their personality type, but I’m especially writing this post for the INFJs who feel like lonely outsiders.

I haven’t posted on this blog in months, but because I still receive comments from other INFJs who confess that they’re feeling lonely, out of place, and misunderstood, I decided I would like to share a few thoughts and ideas.

In countless places, I’ve read that INFJs are old souls. Have you often felt like an old geezer when you’re around a group of people your own age? Do you worry that you’re too serious, too mature, or too intellectual/philosophical for the average person? I probably started having feelings like that in childhood, but they became more pronounced as a teenager. Unfortunately, I lacked a lot of self-acceptance until my late teens, when I finally stopped trying to fit in and embraced lonerhood instead.

The thing is, whether you feel too mature, too emotional, too sensitive, too strange, or too much of anything that keeps you feeling isolated, there is nothing wrong with you. The truth is, you simply are not a good fit for many people, and many people are not a good fit for you. This doesn’t mean anyone needs to start adopting feelings of superiority or inferiority, though. We may not want to spend a lot of time around someone who has completely different values and interests from our own, but this does not mean that we can’t love and respect that person as they are.

Yesterday on facebook, I came across this excerpt from Rebecca Campbell’s book Light Is the New Black that offers a positive, empowering message of self-acceptance:
The following quote from Aletheia Luna (from lonerwolf.com) about old souls could possibly apply to how most INFJs feel:

Here’s a little something else. I recently took the personality quiz Which Jung archetype best describes you?, and my result was “the sage.” I felt that this description fit my personality so well and thought other INFJs might relate to it. Here were my results:

You’re the sage! According to Carl Jung, the sage represents wisdom and the search for truth. You are wise beyond your years, patient and a deep thinker. You’re driven by a thirst for knowledge. One of your greatest fears is being ignorant, misled, or duped. You’re incredibly intelligent but you risk over analyzing until you’re incapable of actually making a decision. You’re an old soul and wise beyond your years, but Jung would tell you don’t get lost in the clouds!

Lastly, from this webpage titled INFJ Personality Type: Lover of Wisdom & Beauty, INFJs were described as “feeling like aliens in the world….The fact is that many INFJs (and INTJs) seem to experience the world and their bodies quite differently than other types do. It is therefore not uncommon for INFJs to question their own sanity.” There were so many nuggets of truth found in that article, so it is worth checking out if you want to understand more about INFJs. Here is another excellent section from it that helps explain INFJ loneliness:

Like the INFP personality type, INFJs can struggle with depression. This may stem from feeling chronically unheard, useless, or misunderstood, as well as  from dissatisfaction with the INFJ’s careers or the INFJ’s relationships. Because Ni perceives the world so differently and profoundly, INFJs often experience a sense of loneliness and isolation, even when they are with other people. Depression may also arise from feeling that their ideals and insights are not being recognized or actualized in the world. They may see the world as deaf to, or unconcerned with, the truths they espouse. INFJs may therefore question their value in a world that seems indifferent to their insights.

My lovelies, whether you’re an INFJ or not, your individual perspective matters and needs to be heard. No, it won’t be understood, respected, or appreciated by everyone. For example, your values might include compassion, harmony, love, and altruism, but the truth is, some people are currently disconnected from their heart. They will continue spewing their hate and reject or ridicule your kindness. If you frequently receive negative reactions when you share your truth, it is time to find a different crowd. It’s not wise to take things like that personally, but it is a wise decision to find those who see the truth in your words and who help foster your growth.

Shine your glorious, brilliant light with courage, and you just might attract wonderful things. Go find what works for you. To hell with fitting in in this modern world if it doesn’t suit you and your ideals. Just by being your beautiful self and sticking by your values, you can help shift things into a beautiful, new direction. It may feel like we live in a society that has no place for the sage or the old soul, but you have a purpose. Forget the notion that you must conform or that “you must face reality,” as some might say. Be courageous, find your people, and create your own reality. As Richard Bartlett said, “You are a swirling vortex of limitless potential who is here to shake things up and create something new that the universe has never seen.”

Do you recognize your perfection? What do you feel inspired to create?

Visit my new blog!

Hey, readers! I’m just announcing that I have created a new blog called “Awaken from the Dream” that is focused on increasing awareness and spiritual development. I’m really excited about it, and I hope you are, too! If you’re interested in expanding your mind and aim for personal growth, I think you’ll enjoy what I have to say on there. I just submitted my first post literally minutes ago, so please check it out and consider following my new blog.

Here is the address to the new blog: http://www.awakenfromthedream.wordpress.com

I may not post as much new stuff here anymore, but I’m definitely leaving up a lot of what I’ve shared on here because I’m still getting a decent amount of traffic to certain posts. My most popular posts here seem to be ones about INFJs, so I’m glad you other INFJs have successfully found this blog. Hope what I had to say helped you in some way! I may continue making similar posts here about INFJs and other random topics, but I really want to focus more of my time and energy right now on discussing spiritual development. So yeah, hop on over to my new blog, and let me know what you think! I hope to see you there…

It’s been three years!

“The Three of Cups represents community and groups of people coming together to focus on a common goal for the greater good of others. You may find that by reaching out to others and banding together, you can achieve a huge amount in terms of sharing your positive energy and passion with others, benefiting the wider community. It is a sign that you should seek out other people to celebrate your successes along with you. ” – from http://www.biddytarot.com

Hard to believe, but today is the three year anniversary of this blog. I suppose what initially inspired me the most to create this blog was to share my embarrassingly horrible yet hilarious online dating experiences and the valuable lessons that I learned from each of them. Fortunately, as I have stated before, those experiences eventually led to something that was profoundly amazing, and that was the discovery of my soulmate. Then that amazing discovery led to other amazing discoveries, like the awakening of my mind and soul. Like some wise person has probably said before, you can’t plan that shit. There has been so much that has occurred over these past three years, both really good and really bad experiences, that I could not have anticipated happening. There was something significant to learn from them all, so I have done my best not to dwell on why any particular event has happened. I know it is a really trite thing to say, but maybe it was all meant to be.

When I look back at who I was three years ago, in some ways, it is like looking at an entirely different person. Every day, we have the opportunity to get closer and closer to who and what we really are, and I can fairly say that I’ve made some progress there. The reason for mentioning all this is because ever since I have begun to embark on this awakening, I feel like some things from my past don’t fit the new me anymore. Reflecting on why I created this blog three years ago versus the reasons why I blog today, I feel like this blog is a strange mix of the old me with the new me. Sometimes I have considered creating an entirely different blog to focus on conspiracy theories and spiritual topics for the purpose of helping to uplift and awaken people, but then I have been hesitant to abandon this because all those old experiences are still a part of me that have helped shape me into who I am today. I have decided at least to start tidying up around here for the purpose of sharing what resonates with the truth of my soul today. For all my past and future readers, I will inform you of my address if/when I decide to create that new blog.

In this moment, I would like to thank any loyal reader who has bothered to take the time to read any of my posts. I hope that you have benefited in some way from them and will continue to benefit from what I have to share. Thank you to all.

The Paradoxical Nature of INFJs

I don’t know about you other rare INFJs out there, but sometimes my paradoxical nature frustrates me. On top of that, to be considered the rarest personality type is tough! I am sure that other personality types struggle to find people who “get” them, but it seems like finding my kind of people has been one of the biggest challenges for me as an INFJ. Many of us are walking a lonely path, that’s for sure.

I don’t know if all these apply to other INFJs, but here are some of the paradoxes that confuse/frustrate me:

• I crave solitude and fierce connections with people at the same time. I’ll use an example. Let’s say I’m standing on the beach while looking out into the horizon and enjoying the breathtaking beauty of that moment. If I was in the presence of another person, I might secretly desire to be alone. It’s not that the person is annoying me or preventing me from enjoying the moment. I’m just so familiar with no one’s presence but my own that I don’t need others around in order to be happy. But then if I was standing all alone on that beach, I would likely have fleeting moments of loneliness where I wished that I had someone standing beside me.
• When communicating with someone, part of me wants to be very guarded and reserved because I am not terribly trusting of people or I assume they will not understand me, but the other part of me wants to reveal so much in order to establish a meaningful, heartfelt connection with that person in that moment. I think to myself, “Should I hold back to avoid letting them see how weird and intense I am, or is it worth exposing myself so I can possibly have a deep, genuine connection with this person?”
• While I have a pretty cynical, negative outlook on society, I truly believe in each person’s potential to be a good human being. Also related to this is the fact that I tend to dislike people when I observe them in a group setting, but I can grow quite fond of them when interacting in one-on-one conversations. Perhaps this is because people are often better at showing their vulnerability and true nature with one person instead of a whole group.
• I can be hella pessimistic and serious yet ridiculously idealistic and silly. I guess this isn’t all that frustrating for me, but I think it makes it more difficult for people to understand/connect with me. My serious/intellectual/philosophical/meaningful side shows more than my silly/goofy/”letting loose” side, and I don’t think a lot of people are attracted to that. But I think if more people were open to what I was saying, they’d see my cheerful, positive side come through.
• Beyond the calm aloofness I project towards people I don’t know well lies an intensely empathic person with a really big heart. I’ve had a few people tell me that before they got the chance to know me, they assumed I was stuck-up and unfriendly because of the way I initially came across. Though I don’t want anyone to think of me as cold and distant, I just don’t feel like expending a lot of energy into displaying enthusiasm for people who may not be worthy of my time. The unfortunate thing is, by holding back and not showing much interest, I probably make it harder for people to approach and connect with me.
• Like the average person, sadness is a painful emotion for me to experience, but I think it is also extremely beautiful. Sometimes I avoid it but am able to embrace it at the same time. I know that doesn’t sound quite right, but I try not to judge sadness as a negative emotion. Unlike the average person, I am drawn to things of a sad nature (e.g., sad movies, sad music, sad books, things full of heartache, loneliness, misery, and grief). I don’t completely run away from sadness like any normal person would. Maybe I find a strange comfort in what’s uncomfortable, or maybe it’s just that I accept sadness due to my emotional nature.
• I’m extremely calm and passive until I’m extremely pissed. I imagine the few people who have seen my dark side were very surprised when it was unleashed. I go from sweet little meekling to monster when provoked. It’s sometimes hard to feel emotions so intensely and to lose so much control when something upsets or angers me. I’m even the type of person who gets shaky and cries after the confrontation is over because it is truly that intense for me.
• As an INFJ, I am very empathic and can almost always understand where others are coming from, but I don’t often sense that level of understanding from others. I feel like so many people don’t get me (or aren’t even interested in understanding me), but I do a pretty good job of understanding and supporting others. Maybe it’s just my experience (though I’m highly doubtful of that), but I feel invisible and overlooked a lot of the time. I could do my best to understand another person and show a genuine interest in their life/thoughts/opinions but often get little in return. This feeling that others don’t understand or appreciate me can send me into an insecure state of, “What is wrong with me? What is it about me that turns people off so much? Am I too weird/serious/sensitive/intense/boring/hard to understand/not suitable for human interaction?” Again, walking the path of an INFJ can be a really lonely one.
• To have the rarest personality type seems like both a gift and a curse. Sometimes I love being an INFJ. Admit it you fellow INFJs, it made you feel special when you discovered you have a rare personality type. But then if you’re like me, I bet sometimes you wish you felt like an ordinary human with ordinary thoughts and ordinary desires. My god, to be normal for a day! I can only imagine what that must be like.  Are there any other INFJ contradictions/paradoxes that I didn’t mention? Who else can relate to these contradictions that I mentioned?

12 Movies for the Lost, Confused, and Disillusioned

As I have mentioned in some of my previous posts, I have reached a point in my life where things don’t quite make sense. I recently graduated from graduate school and am feeling the pressure to start making decisions, but I’m still not sure in which direction to go. My original career plan doesn’t seem quite so right anymore. Maybe my confusion and lack of direction is all part of the spiritual awakening process, or maybe this is a phase that so many other recent college graduates face when they try to transition from the academic world to the work world. I think both explanations could be applied to my situation considering I’ve spent the past seven years in college and have undergone some significant awakenings throughout the past year.

Anyway, it’s a difficult place to be in when you feel driven to do something with your life and to help others, but you’re just not sure what it is that you should do. I am positive that so many other humans on this planet are facing or have faced the same problem. When you add other typical symptoms of a spiritual awakening into the mix, like fatigue, disconnection from the physical world, loss of passion/motivation/purpose, heightened sensitivity, loss of identity, and emotional ups and downs, it can be an extremely tough, overwhelming, and confusing place to be.

I recently watched a movie called The Giant Mechanical Man that stars two main characters who feel like lost drifters who must accept that they don’t have life all figured out, despite the fact that they’re in their thirties. I thought it was a really good movie, and it inspired me to come up with a list of movie recommendations for others who feel lost, stuck, or confused about life.

The following list of movies all center around characters who feel lost in life and dissatisfied, at times, with living an ordinary existence. If you know of any other movies with a similar theme, please mention them below so I can preview them later. Also, just a warning: A lot of the movies below are a bit slow-paced, so if those tend to bore you or you don’t have the patience, you might want to skip these.

1.) Into the Wild – Based upon the true story of a young college graduate who gave away all his money and abandoned the safety and security of a conventional life in order to live a life connected to nature.

2.) The Giant Mechanical Man – (Available on Netflix) A love story about two people in their thirties who are having a hard time figuring out what they want to do with their lives. My favorite quote from the movie: “I feel like modern life can be alienating, and it can be like you’re mindlessly walking through it, like a robot. And you can feel lost. I guess I just want people to know that they’re not crazy…”

3.) Ghost World – Two friends who’ve recently graduated from high school are trying to plan for the future, but one is having a harder time figuring out what exactly she should do.

4.) The Graduate – (Available on Netflix) Most people immediately think of the affair with Mrs. Robinson when you mention this classic, but it also a movie that shows the desperation and anxiety that a young man faces when he graduates from college and is bombarded with questions about what he is going to do with his life.

5.) Ruby in Paradise – (Available on youtube) This is a movie of a young woman who flees from everything that was familiar and heads to Florida without a plan. It is there that she begins to understand herself better and what she wants from life.

6.) Rid of Me – A woman rediscovers herself after her marriage falls apart.

7.) Trees Lounge – (Available on Netflix) The main character, Tommy, has lost just about everything that was once important to him. Throughout the film, it seems like he’s just drifting.

8.) Lost in Translation – An older actor and a young college graduate are both feeling lost and disinterested in their current relationships. Their encounter in Tokyo provides them the kind of connection they’ve been craving.

9.) The Good Girl – A woman who becomes increasingly dissatisfied with her slacker, dim-witted husband and her dull job at a discount store meets a young, troubled guy who can add a little excitement to her monotonous life.

10.) Office Space – This movie is so popular that I hesitated to share it, but the characters and the plot of this movie perfectly capture the frustrations and dissatisfaction that go along with working a mind-numbing job.

11.) Metroland – The main character suddenly reevaluates his marriage, his lifestyle, and the choices he’s made when his old friend comes back to Metroland for a visit.

12.) Blue Valentine – (Available on Netflix) A marriage goes stagnant when one partner wants to move forward and grow while the other remains directionless without a single goal, other than to try to save their failing marriage.

The Darker Side of Psychedelic Music

My interest in darker psychedelic music was reignited a few days ago when I heard The Doors’ “Riders on the Storm” on the radio. I think it’s such an incredible song. Now I’m desperate to find more bands similar to The Doors, but it’s proving to be much more challenging than I had anticipated. Of course there are plenty of well-known psychedelic rock bands from the ’60s and ’70s, but I’m not just looking for the average psychedelic band. I think I’ve always been more drawn to The Doors than any other psychedelic band of the “hippie days” because they had a more somber, gloomy, and mystical side. It’s been said that Jim Morrison had an obsession with the dark side, particularly death, and I think that came across in quite a few of their songs.

The first time I really got into The Doors I was about 17 years old, and then I came across Mazzy Star’s music, which was heavily influenced by The Doors. I began searching more for this darker style of psychedelic music and discovered a genre of music from the ’80s that was influenced by 60’s psychedelic bands called Paisley Underground. This led me to discovering musicians like Rain Parade, Opal, Kendra Smith, and The Dream Syndicate. While all those music discoveries were enough to keep me satisfied at the time, now I’m back to wanting more. I want something as dark and mystical as The Doors, and maybe the closest I have come to it is a band called Phantom’s Divine Comedy. The lead singer of this band sounds so similar to Jim Morrison that I now understand the conspiracy about Jim Morrison faking his own death.

Here are some of my favorite psychedelic songs that lean toward the gloomy, dark side. If you can think of anything similar to these bands (besides the obvious psychedelic bands like Pink Floyd, Jefferson Airplane, Jimi Hendrix, The Byrds, etc.), please leave recommendations in the comments section below. If you don’t know of any, hope you enjoy these!

Twenty 90’s Fashion Trends I Miss

Today’s post is a little more superficial and carefree than usual. Just wanted to take a minute here to step back on memory lane and comment on the 90’s fashion trends that I miss. Maybe I’m biased since I grew up in the ’90s, but I think it was such an awesome decade when it comes to music, fashion, and movies. My boyfriend tends to be a bit more nostalgic than I am, but we both enjoy reminiscing about “the good ol’ days” from time to time. We believe there was something special about the ’90s, and we’re grateful that we got to experience a time when things seemed simpler and technology hadn’t advanced far enough yet to the point that it consumed our lives.

In the past five or so years, lots of 90’s trends have been revisited, but there are some 90’s trends I won’t revisit because I feel that they simply look a tad too dated. When I’m out thrift store shopping, sometimes I have to refrain from buying those items that scream over the top that they were made in the ’90s. Not saying there’s necessarily anything wrong with looking that way, but I aim for a balance between timeless and vintage.

Now, onto those amazing trends I miss most.

1.) The ultimate 90’s trend that I miss most is velvet. Anything velvet. Velvet shirt, velvet dress, velvet blazer, velvet shoes, velvet purse, velvet leggings…I LOVE velvet! Fortunately, velvet has made a comeback, and there are still plenty of velvet things I can wear from the ’90s without feeling that my look is overly dated.

2.) Colorful, shiny pleather was so fun and awesome! I remember a blue-violet pleather coat from Limited Too that I used to wear in 5th grade (close to the same color as the dress that Mira Sorvino is wearing below). I thought I was so cool, but then I got incredibly annoyed when another girl at my school started wearing the same exact coat.

3.) Plaid miniskirts and cropped angora sweaters were staples in a teen girl’s wardrobe in the ’90s. Done the right way, I believe a similar look could be pulled off today. I bought a couple of plaid skirts from the ’90s a couple years ago, but I’ve never worn them since I haven’t been able to put together the right outfit.

4.) I went through a phase about 3 years ago where I was obsessed with 90’s vests. These little babies are harder to find than I expected. Unfortunately, every thrift store I went to was overflowing with those hideous vests designed for grandmas, teachers, and crazy cat ladies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5.) Though satin dresses should be considered timeless, I often associate them with the ’90s, especially collared, button-up satin dresses like the one pictured below.

6.) Chunky, platform boots just look too dated these days, but I still think they’re better than the boots with super thin stiletto heels that many girls wear today.

7.) A complete opposite of the chunky platform boot, the strappy heel was also extremely common back then. Though I’m more drawn to chunky heels, I think the 90’s strappy high heel was quite flattering on women. It helped create more of an elegant, dainty look.

8.) Wow, my head nearly exploded when I first saw these! They are a perfect combination of so many awesome 90’s fashion trends–velvet, strappy, and platform heels! I had a pair similar to these when I was young, except they were faux snakeskin.

9.) I’m guessing this look originated in the ’50s or ’60s, but I also associate plaid pants with the ’90s. I once had a bright green pair when I was in 4th/5th grade that I would only wear on Fridays since I reserved that as my dress-up and feel extra awesome day.

10.) Who didn’t love when Drew Barrymore wore daisies in her hair?! Of course people still go for that hippie chic look today by wearing a halo of flowers around their head, but it’s still not the same as this 90’s look. Drew pulled it off so well.

11.) Here we are, back to velvet again, but this time it’s velvet duster jackets. When I saw this particular episode of Sex and the City where Carrie was wearing a velvet duster while out on a date with Aleksandr, I immediately wanted one just like it. It screams late ’90s, but I frickin’ love it! I eventually found a black one off eBay that fits perfectly.

12.) Zig-zag parts were a lot of fun, and this is a trend that I’ve not been willing to give up. I still sport the zig-zag from time to time because a straight part just gets boring after a while.

13.) Remember when Madonna and Gwen Stefani w0re Indian art like bindis on their forehead? Or TLC’s video for Unpretty that was inspired by Buddhist and Indian culture? I’m attracted to Indian culture and their fashion, so this is one trend that I truly miss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

14.) Some of my favorite jewelry from the ’90s were yin and yang pendants and choker necklaces.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

15.) Butterflies became insanely popular back then! How predictable that my bedroom became butterfly-themed at one point. The only thing I don’t really miss are butterfly tattoos since they became so popular that they eventually turned into something totally predictable and generic.

16.) One thing I really miss about the ’90s was that people seemed to be more interested in aliens and UFOs, or at least they were more comfortable expressing their interest by wearing those “I believe” t-shirts. It became part of our pop culture. There were tv shows like The X-Files, Roswell, and a few specials that aired on FOX that focused on alien encounters and the possibility of life existing on other planets.

17.) I’ve always been a big fan of the 60’s/70’s hippie style, so it’s awesome that we experienced a hippie revival in the ’90s that included everything from lava lamps to mood rings to peace signs and smiley faces on everything.

18.) Pretty much everyone I knew who grew up in the ’90s owned a pair of Doc Martens at some point. The 2 or 3 pairs I owned look hideous when compared to these cute electric blue patent leather mary janes.

19.) Part of the ’70s revival, those groovy polyester shirts were back in style for a little while. My favorite was a short-sleeved brown one with blue and white daisies all over it.

20.) I’m still a fan of crocheted clothing, including cropped crochet halter tops.

 

Hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane! Are there any 90’s fashion trends that you miss? Or is there another decade that you prefer when it comes to fashion?

Best Ghost Videos

Due to my recent fascination with ghosts and hauntings, I’ve been watching videos on youtube where people claim to have proof of the existence of ghosts. Some of these videos are clearly fake. Then there are others that appear realistic, but I’m still not willing to trust that they’re real because too many people get a kick out of fooling people. It’s so aggravating when you’re convinced something is real, and then the original creator eventually admits that it’s fake. It makes it hard for me to watch ghost or UFO videos and not be skeptical. I want to trust that what I see is real, but too many dorks try to ruin it for me. The good thing is that in my search for evidence of ghosts and hauntings, I’ve encountered a few videos that I think are more believable than the typical ghost video and totally worth sharing.

When you have a bit of free time, check out the videos below and try to form your own opinion of whether or not you think they’re fake. Let me know if you see something suspicious or worth mentioning. Also, tell me if you know of any good ghost videos that I should watch.

My favorite videos so far were from Joseph Chansuolme. He has recorded 8 separate videos in his apartment, which he believes is haunted. I’m pretty convinced that this is the real deal! Check out his channel and watch all 8 videos to decide for yourself if you think his apartment is really haunted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EkxpKConPk

Here’s another good one that shows strange events occurring in an office building at 3 a.m. I must admit, there are a couple things about this video that make me suspicious, but I was amazed when papers came flying out a folder in the filing cabinet. If this video is fake, I must say they did a good job!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n07myucGOGk

Who would’ve thought that a ghost would be hanging out at Blockbuster Video?! Nothing about this video makes me too suspicious of it being fake.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cabFf5qI-Fc

My boyfriend told me about this one. It’s of a police car chasing another car that vanished after driving into a fence. In the comments section, some people say that the driver was able to drive underneath the fence without knocking it down. I’m not sure.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62_eIsxLalA

So, this one isn’t exactly proof of the existence of ghosts, but it’s a short film called The Hopewell Haunting that is based on an interview that was conducted in the 1950s. A pastor claims that he encountered a ghost during the ’30s, and here is a reenactment of the event. I thought it was super creepy and much scarier than the average horror film. Before watching this film, I hoped that maybe one day I might see a ghost so I could have even more confirmation of their existence. Eh, after seeing the ghost in this video, I’ve changed my mind.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sImMmdeO0c

Mesothelioma Awareness Day

I recently learned that today is Mesothelioma Awareness Day, and someone in the cancer community encouraged me to pass along this information through my blog. Many of you may already know that mesothelioma is a type of cancer that is caused by exposure to asbestos, but here is a list of 8 things you should know about the disease. I was quite surprised to learn some of these facts myself.

Re-posted from: http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/emily/8-things-you-should-know-about-mesothelioma.htm

8 Things You Should Know About Mesothelioma

Posted by Emily Walsh

Mesothelioma — a long word you may have heard on a commercial or two, but do you know what it means? This rare and deadly cancer is sadly lacking awareness. In honor of Mesothelioma Awareness Day this September 26, read on for the top 8 things you don’t know about this cancer, but should. Then share them. The key to saving lives starts with education.

1. Mesothelioma is caused by asbestos exposure. Asbestos is a naturally occurring mineral that is invisible to the naked eye. Once inhaled, these fibers may infect the protective lining of the lungs, abdominal cavity, or cardiac cavity.

2. No amount of exposure is safe. Just exposing yourself once could put you at risk for developing the disease later on in life. If you were exposed today, you may not be aware until 2043, as the average latency period is about 30 – 40 years.

3. Asbestos was once used in more than 3,000 consumer products. These include household items, some of which may still be in use. Some of these even include hair dryers, crock pots, and cigarette filters.

4. It can be found in many older homes, schools, factories, and commercial buildings. Homes built prior to the 1970’s, along with a myriad of public buildings still could potentially contain asbestos because of the materials used in the original construction.

5. Asbestos exposure is still the LEADING CAUSE of occupational cancer in the US. Even after 30 years since the United States government issued stern warnings about the continued use of asbestos, many workers who were once exposed are now at risk of developing the disease.

6. United States Veterans are at the greatest risk. For many years, asbestos was used across all branches of the military. Many veterans and shipyard workers were exposed to high levels of asbestos from several different applications. US Navy veterans who served during World War II and the Korean Conflict unfortunately have the highest incidences of asbestos related disease, including mesothelioma.

7. Asbestos is still not banned in the US. Federal law requires the newly manufactured products contain no more than 1% asbestos. Although its use is regulated, roughly 30 million pounds are still being used each year.

8. Mesothelioma can be caused by secondary exposure. Family members of those who were directly affected by on-the-job asbestos exposure may also at risk of developing mesothelioma.

Celebrities have said hell no to chemo

A couple days ago I made a post about natural cures for cancer. You may find it interesting to learn that some celebrities and even former president Ronald Reagan refused to undergo chemotherapy once they were diagnosed with cancer. Instead of settling for American treatments, they sought gentler, more natural treatments. Some of these treatments they chose were only available in European countries. It has become apparent that some doctors and patients see the value in turning to nature instead of relying on harsh, synthetic treatments that are sometimes more like poison to the human body.

Learn more about: Reagan’s treatment in Germany

Former model Jessica Richards’ dietary changes

Suzanne Somers rejected conventional treatments

Suzanne Somers has fought breast cancer once through alternative treatments. When she was later misdiagnosed with cancer, this is what she had to say regarding chemotherapy and her options: “If I had been a different kind of patient, Kathleen, when this doctor earlier this year wanted to start me on full body chemotherapy that day, I probably would have taken it. But because I have a lot of information, I was able to stand back and say first that I know I have time to think this through and I’m going to look for other options before I would ever consider that.”

It seems that Suzanne chose the smart route because she took the time to educate herself. Unfortunately, most people are ill-informed and blindly trust their doctor’s advice. They do not realize that there are alternative treatments that are not as harsh and that are possibly much more effective than the conventional methods offered in the U.S. It’s not just money but also education that are both crucial to good health and survival.

Here is the interview where Suzanne talks about the information she has acquired about cancer treatments through research, interviews, and personal experience with the illness:

A Simple Cure for Cancer

Would you think I was crazy if I told you that the cure for cancer might come down to something as simple as vitamins and herbs? Did you know that many people have been able to fight cancer by taking vitamin B-17? Did you know that in some tribes and civilizations across the world, cancer does not even exist? It is believed that those people all remain cancer free because of their healthy diets that are rich in B-17. I feel the need to get all this info out there since I didn’t know about any of it until a few weeks ago, and, of course, no one ever talks about it.

If you were ever diagnosed with cancer, what options would you have? Most people think of surgery and chemotherapy as the only options that are currently available. No one ever thinks of something so simple as nutrition and taking vitamins. We don’t consider cancer to be a vitamin deficiency because we have always been taught to see cancer as some strange, foreign thing that attacks or mutates the cells in our body. Is it possible that we have been deceived purposefully by doctors and the medical industry? What if they want us to see cancer as some strange mystery so that we will feel helpless and be willing to undergo any kind of treatment, no matter how harmful or severe, because we think it will help? Do doctors recommend these harsh, often ineffective treatments simply because they are profitable? Think about it. Cheap, simple cures and healthy people do not help doctors make money. They make money off of patients with chronic illness who require expensive surgeries and medications that don’t cure the illness. Besides, doctors cannot make any money off of vitamins. Vitamins obviously don’t require prescriptions from your doctor. Why would doctors promote nutrition as a means of fighting an illness like cancer? There is absolutely no money in that.

I watched a couple of really good documentaries (Cancer – The Forbidden Cures and A World Without Cancer), and I very strongly encourage you to watch those. It might change the way you see cancer. At the very least, I hope you will hang onto the knowledge you obtain through those videos so that you can consider all your options if you are ever diagnosed with cancer. I have already started increasing my intake of B-17 to help prevent cancer. The simplest way to do this is to start eating the seeds of fruits like apricots, peaches, nectarines, and apples. Crack open the pit of an apricot or a peach and inside you will find an almond shaped seed. The seed is edible but tastes quite bitter, so I find it helpful to chop the seed and mix it with some milk or juice.

Here’s one last thing that might get you thinking about the possibility of vitamins as a cure. B-17 has been banned in the U.S. since the 1970s. Hmm, kind of odd that a vitamin has been banned, don’t you think? The FDA claimed that B-17 contains cyanide and is poisonous. It’s true these seeds contain cyanide, but the cyanide is only released if there are cancerous cells in your body. The cyanide does not attack your normal, healthy cells. If someone tells you that eating the seeds of fruit is dangerous, don’t fall for it. I believe the only way you could be harmed by eating these seeds is if you ate an excessive number of them. Now isn’t it puzzling how chemotherapy is legal in the U.S., yet it is considered a carcinogen and attacks all the cells in your body, both the good and the bad? They’re fighting cancer with something that causes cancer? Oh yeah, that’s right. There’s lots of money in chemotherapy but none in vitamins.

I have read that if you want to buy B-17 capsules, you’ll have to order them from Mexico since they have been banned in the U.S. If you’re interested to know how effective B-17 is at fighting cancer, there’s a lot of testimony found on the internet of people who have fought cancer through vitamin treatment. I don’t want to go into too many more details because I just wanted to get the point across that adequate nutrition might be the cure for cancer. You can find a good amount of information about B-17 on the internet, but I’m also willing to try answering any questions that you may have. If you know someone who has cancer and is suffering, please pass this information along to them. Vitamin treatment just might save their life or, at the very least, help ease some of their pain and suffering. I think this is important knowledge that is being withheld from the public.

GMOs and Population Control

In the spring of 2009, I became a vegetarian. It seemed like an impossible change in the beginning, but it actually got easier and easier the longer I stuck with it. I’m at the point where I don’t think I could eat a piece of chicken or a hamburger again. I don’t even like to touch meat. I’m proud of myself for making a positive change that will benefit my health while also decreasing support for factory farms where animals are often treated worse than a pile of garbage.

Now the time has come again for another drastic change in my diet. With the recent protests and talk of GMOs, I finally decided today that it’s time to switch to a non-GMO diet. I feel bad for not making this change years ago, and I have no idea what kind of damage has been done to my body because of it. I guess what is most important right now is that I have made the decision to do what I can to stop poisoning my body. I’m sure it will be an adjustment, but I feel the same kind of commitment now that I did back in 2009 to go veggie.

If you’ve researched non-GMO foods and brands, you know how short that list is. All the major food companies are producing GMO foods. The government made claims that GMOs help produce larger yields, which means that more people would be fed. There has been no evidence to suggest that this is true. The reality is that GMOs have not been researched enough, so there is no way of knowing their impact on human health. What we might actually have here is an effort to ruin people’s health and to reduce the population. We live in a scary world where the government takes little responsibility to look out for its people. Is this GMO thing all about money, or is there something much more sinister going on with this push to get all countries to grow GMO crops?

Readers, have any of you adopted a non-GMO diet or is this something you haven’t put much thought into?

What is an INFJ?

I’ve discussed introversion quite a bit on my blog, but today I want to get a little more specific and talk about INFJs.

For anyone who doesn’t already know, the INFJ is one of the sixteen personality types in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Back around 2006, I initially thought I was the ISFJ and then maybe the INFP, but I eventually concluded that the INFJ is more appropriate. I’m not sure how reliable or valid the MBTI really is, and I don’t pay any attention to its accuracy. I simply love that it allows us to put a label on our personality and helps us to understand ourselves better than we ever have. When I learn more about my personality type, I often think to myself, “So maybe that’s why I do that sometimes! Maybe I’m not the biggest weirdo after all.” I believe it’s a good tool for understanding our preferences and helps assure us that some of our quirks and behaviors may not be as odd as we originally thought.

A few of you who are reading this might also be INFJs, so I thought it’d be a good idea to share a collection of images, quotes, descriptions, links, etc. that you might find interesting and applicable to your personality style.

Some interesting links:

Top 10 Things Every INFJ Wants You to Know

Career advice for INFJs

Humorous description of MBTI types

The INFJ Coach blog

INFJoe’s blog

INFJ Problems

The INFJ Den

This one applies 100% to my personality. I call myself the introverted misanthrope, yet I am pursuing a career in social work to help others. I think INFJs can be very contradictory. We see people’s true potential and want to help them become their best, but we can also become very negative and discouraged when people don’t live up to our high standards. I have this thing where I enjoy helping individuals, but I often hate society and think it’s made up of a bunch of hopeless idiots.

I bet lots of people feel this way, but I think being an INFJ makes us feel even weirder at times. Based on the estimates, INFJ is considered the rarest personality type.

As I mentioned earlier, INFJs tend to feel a strong desire to help others, and it can often be reflected in the careers we choose. Ideal careers include a therapist/counselor, artist, writer, doctor, teacher, environmentalist, musician, child care worker, and librarian.

Very true for me. I rarely connect with classmates/coworkers and end up feeling like the loner almost everywhere I go. It really can be a lonely experience to be an INFJ. As soon as I begin to know someone, I usually feel bored, annoyed, or repulsed by who they really are and am ready to be by myself again. Most often, my interests, outlook, and style of communication simply don’t mesh well with others. My boyfriend is the rare exception, which is why I value our relationship so much. When someone like my boyfriend comes along and actually “gets me”, it seems like a miracle has occurred. It gives me hope that there are a few people in the world who can understand and appreciate me.

I really resonate with this. When I seek a relationship or friendship with someone, I want it to be deep and real pretty much from the beginning. I need someone I can really talk to and be able to rely upon. I don’t want to talk about superficial things all the time or bother with people who won’t share their honest thoughts and feelings. I’m easily bored by people who want to talk about food, sports, or tv shows and those who only want to hang out once in a while. When I like someone, I’m ready to put all I’ve got into it, but that person better be ready to do the same or else the relationship will eventually fail.

Many people might relate with this. I don’t talk to most people I encounter, but I come across as friendly and polite to those whom I can tolerate. I’m not as cold or unfriendly as I might make myself sound. It’s just quite rare for me to like someone enough that I’ll begin spending my free time with them. And when that happens, I tend to have very high expectations of that person.

I think this is really good advice for INFJs. It’s great to be future-oriented and have goals, but I tend to get extremely upset and frustrated if something prevents me from following through with my original plan. What makes this even more challenging for me is that my boyfriend is the type to focus more on the past. I try to look forward toward our future while he reflects on memories. We all might reduce some of our stress and anxiety if we can learn to live more in the present and become less fixated on our vision for the future and those days that have long passed.

So now the question for my readers is, what is your personality type? If you’re an INFJ, too, were you able to relate to any of this? Feel free to share what your life experience has been like so far as an INFJ. It’s really nice hearing from similar minds since I don’t encounter them often enough. If you know any good websites, quotes, info, etc. for INFJs, please share those, too, in the comments section below.

Constantly Striving for a Better Relationship

For those of you who are familiar with the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), I’m the INFJ. In the area of relationships, this type is often described as a perfectionist who is “constantly striving to achieve the Perfect Relationship. This can sometimes be frustrating to their mates, who may feel put upon by the INFJs demanding perfectionism. However, it may also be greatly appreciated, because it indicates a sincere commitment to the relationship, and a depth of caring which is not usually present in other types.”

I rarely see this quality as a weakness since I believe one of the main goals in life should be to grow and continually find ways of improving ourselves throughout the entire lifespan. I can tell you my weaknesses in a heartbeat, and it’s not necessarily because I’m overly critical or negative. I just know what I could work on to become closer to my ideal self. Even though I’m already in a good relationship, I also know what my partner and I could work on to make it an even more solid one.

The first step for a better relationship is good communication, so here’s one idea for those of you who are interested in building a better, closer relationship. Both you and your partner compose a list of maybe 10 characteristics (or however many you want) that you think a romantic partner should ideally possess. Determine whether or not your partner is fulfilling those expectations. Be sure to focus on what your partner is doing well as well as what areas need improvement. Share your evaluations with each other. You should both stay committed to working on some of your weaknesses, as long as it’s realistic and benefits the both of you. I’d recommend doing these evaluations many times throughout the relationship since perfection can never be attained.

More Shoegaze Music for Fall Weather

I’ve been a bit slack with blogging lately, so I thought I’d ease back into it by sharing another song list. Now it’s finally beginning to feel more like autumn. The temp has fallen, the NC state fair begins today, and I’m about halfway through my first semester of grad school. 😀

For anyone who’s craving more shoegaze, here you go:

1. Watersong – Windy & Carl

2. Ferris Wheel Blackout – Rumskib

3. Cellophane – Swoon 23

4. Stars – The Vera Violets

5. Lazy Calm – Cocteau Twins

Shoegaze Music for Fall Weather

Now that September is already here, I’m actually looking forward to the cooler weather and crisp, colored leafs that will soon arrive. There really won’t be any signs of autumn in my neck of the woods until maybe mid-October, but I’m in the mood for a change. Late spring and summer is actually my favorite time of the year, so the transition into fall is often bittersweet. While I anticipate the change, I know I must let yet another wonderful summer end.

There are a couple things I love about fall, though. One is I get to bring out the boots, jackets, and pretty scarves in my closet that have been neglected for too long. It probably didn’t surprise you I’d bring up the fashion aspect of it. The other thing is all the amazing music I associate with fall weather. I’m wondering, do any of you associate certain songs or styles of music with fall? It makes me think of atmospheric, ambient music, folksy songs, alt-country, or something that’s a bit pensive and sad. Mellow and bittersweet might be good ways of describing autumn music.

I decided to compile a list here of a few songs which always seem to remind me of fall. The reality might be that I’ve listened to some of these songs during a particular fall and now associate the song with the season. I should also point out that only about half this list is shoegaze music, but I hope every one of you will enjoy something here. If any of you have songs that remind you of fall, feel free to share them.

1. Feedback Song – Flying Saucer Attack

2. Drake – Beth Gibbons & Rustin Man

3. Wickerman – Pulp

4. Into Dust – Mazzy Star

5. Crescent Moon – Cowboy Junkies

6. She Is the Daylight – Flying Saucer Attack

7. Catch the Breeze – Slowdive

8. Take It Easy – Air Formation

9. We’re an American Band – Yo La Tengo

10. Painbirds – Sparklehorse

My latest music discovery: Keep Shelly in Athens

Mmhmm, yet another new band has managed to impress me. I stumbled upon this band rather haphazardly on youtube last night. They’re a chillwave band, which isn’t really my favorite genre, but I find myself liking a good amount of stuff associated with chillwave and downtempo. When I first heard A Song To Cheer You Up, I was immediately reminded of bands like Everything But the Girl and Lovespirals. I went ahead and downloaded their latest album. My ears are pleased. 🙂

Hope you enjoy this lovely tune.